Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
Do you put other people’s needs before your own, even when it leaves you stressed, exhausted or resentful?
Many people pleasers spend years trying to keep everyone happy whilst quietly becoming increasingly unhappy themselves.
Although helping others is often a positive quality, constantly putting yourself last can have serious consequences for your confidence, emotional wellbeing, relationships and even your physical health.
At The Excel Practice, I help people understand the deeper reasons behind people pleasing and develop healthier boundaries through hypnotherapy, coaching and practical change work.
MAIL@THEEXELPRACTICE.COM OR CALL 07807 540142
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What Is People Pleasing?
People pleasing is the habit of prioritising other people’s wants, feelings or approval at the expense of your own needs.
People pleasers often:
- Struggle to say no
- Avoid conflict
- Feel guilty when putting themselves first
- Constantly seek approval
- Take responsibility for other people’s emotions
- Overcommit themselves
- Feel exhausted by other people’s demands
Many people know they are doing it.
The problem is they often feel unable to stop.
Why Do People Become People Pleasers?
People pleasing rarely appears for no reason.
Often it develops as a coping strategy earlier in life.
Examples include:
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of criticism
- Fear of conflict
- Low self-esteem
- Difficult family environments
- Needing approval from parents or authority figures
- Bullying or social exclusion
- Feeling responsible for other people’s happiness
What once helped you cope may now be limiting your life.
The Hidden Cost Of People Pleasing
People pleasing can appear selfless from the outside.
However, internally it often creates:
Stress
Constantly monitoring everyone else’s needs can become exhausting and stressful.
Anxiety
Many people pleasers worry excessively causing anxiety about disappointing others.
Resentment
Helping others whilst neglecting yourself often leads to frustration and resentment.
Burnout
Many people reach a point where they simply cannot continue carrying everyone else’s expectations.
Poor Relationships
Ironically, unhealthy people pleasing can damage relationships because needs, feelings and boundaries remain unspoken.
Can People Pleasing Affect Physical Health?
Research has repeatedly linked chronic stress, emotional suppression and poor boundaries with poorer physical health outcomes.
People who constantly place themselves under pressure often experience:
- Increased stress levels
- Fatigue
- Sleep difficulties
- Headaches
- Digestive issues
- Reduced wellbeing
Whilst people pleasing itself is not a medical condition, the ongoing stress it creates can have a significant impact on overall health and quality of life.
Positive Selfishness
One of the concepts I often teach is something I call Positive Selfishness.
Positive Selfishness is not about becoming selfish in the negative sense. It means recognising that your needs matter too.
It means:
- Having healthy boundaries
- Protecting your time
- Looking after your wellbeing
- Saying no when necessary
- Respecting yourself as much as you respect others
Many people discover that when they become appropriately selfish, their relationships actually improve.
Confidence Vs People Pleasing
Many people pleasers assume they need more confidence. Sometimes they do. However, confidence often grows naturally once healthy boundaries are established.
Every time you say: “No, that doesn’t work for me.”
You send a message to yourself that your needs matter. Confidence is often built through action rather than waiting to feel confident first.
How Hypnotherapy Can Help
Hypnotherapy can help by addressing the underlying beliefs and emotional patterns that drive people pleasing.
This may include:
- Fear of rejection
- Fear of conflict
- Low self-worth
- Excessive guilt
- Approval seeking
- Anxiety around saying no
As these patterns begin to change, healthier behaviours often become easier and more natural.
Positive Change Is Possible
You can be kind without becoming a doormat.
You can care about others without sacrificing yourself.
You can be helpful without carrying everyone else’s responsibilities.
Learning healthier boundaries is not about becoming selfish.
It is about creating balance.
Ready To Make A Change?
If people pleasing is leaving you stressed, overwhelmed, resentful or constantly putting yourself last, it may be time to create healthier boundaries and a healthier relationship with yourself.
You do not have to become selfish to stop people pleasing.
You simply need to learn how to value your own needs as much as you value the needs of others.
Hypnotherapy, NLP and coaching can help you develop greater confidence, healthier boundaries and a more balanced way of living.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is people pleasing a mental health condition?
No. People pleasing is not a recognised mental health condition. However, it is often associated with anxiety, low self-esteem, approval seeking and difficulties setting healthy boundaries.
Why do I feel guilty when I say no?
Many people pleasers have learned to associate saying no with letting people down. The guilt often comes from old patterns rather than doing anything wrong.
Can people pleasing cause stress?
Yes. Constantly putting other people’s needs before your own can lead to stress, emotional exhaustion, resentment and burnout over time.
Can hypnotherapy help with people pleasing?
Hypnotherapy can help address the underlying beliefs, emotional patterns and fears that often drive people pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection, criticism or conflict.
Will I become selfish if I stop people pleasing?
No. Most people actually become healthier, calmer and more balanced. Learning to set boundaries is not about becoming selfish; it is about creating a healthier relationship between your needs and the needs of others.
How many sessions will I need?
This varies from person to person. Many people notice meaningful changes within a relatively small number of sessions, although the exact number depends on your circumstances and goals.
Do you offer online sessions?
Yes. Sessions are available in Reading, Didcot and online via Zoom or Teams throughout the UK and internationally.
What is Positive Selfishness?
Positive Selfishness is the idea that looking after your own wellbeing, time, energy and needs is not selfish in a negative sense. It is a healthy and necessary part of living a balanced life.
MAIL@THEEXELPRACTICE.COM OR CALL 07807 540142